Sweet Vernal Zephyr

Succinct Book Reviews
(aka Creating & Whit)

Welcome to Saturday Serials
Miss Sweet's Saloon - Part I
Mistress Sweet is well known here at Saturday Serials, as the protective Dominatrix, but where does a big bad leather wearin' mama go to relax? Well, she steps back into the old West and onto Mister Valance's Porch. The porch is a cozy gathering of like minds, rockin' chairs and wet whiskey. Just watch out for the soup. Over there she's known as Miss Sweet and owns herself a cozy saloon and a broken heart. Below is her story.

Tending bar has always been a pleasure for her. Caring for the rowdy cowboys and loose women fit her just fine. No body judged here, and if they did she had a pistol on her hip that could shut a man up right quick whether the shutting came from the barrel or the butt. She didn't tend to killin' her customers but if they got outta line, well, she put then back in it right quick.

Course that kinda action from a lady sure earned her a less than pristine reputation around the townfolk, but she didn't let it bother her much. There was a reason she was out here in the wild west, secluded and alone... 'cause that is what she deserved. A woman like her would never earn the love of an upstanding cowboy, and so she would never try... again.

With a sigh, Miss Sweet gave the gleaming wood of the bar top one last swipe and settled against it with a hip. It was early enough in the day that the customers were light and she could afford to reminisce, no matter the pain that always followed her return to reality.

If only she had kept the truth locked tight and quiet in her heart, she would still have her handsome naive cowboy and the life every prairie girl dreams of.

Come back next Saturday for the second installment of Miss Sweet's Saloon...


Miss Sweet in her own a saloon... hell, I think I just died and woke up in heaven. Put me down for a front row seat, I ain't gonna miss this. And don't you worry Miss Sweet, I'll take care of any rabble rousers, and see you ain't interrupted while telling this sorry tale.

Mister Valance, You are just darling. Settle in, I'm not quite sure how long it will take me to bare my soul. ;)

When it comes to baring, I'm a patient man, Miss Sweet. Take all the time you want. I'll just help myself to a drink from behind the bar - that's if you don't mind?

Help yourself, cowboy. Just be mindful of the crystal clear stuff. A might harsh straight up even for a strong man like yourself.

Sweet Honey, I'm here!

I've got a chair pulled right up next to Valance and me ears are ready for the hearing of a fine tale indeed.

I brought you some pop corn Valance to go with that whiskey...I got it from an Indian on me way over. Are you gonna share that whiskey you're drinking?

*Miss Houston quiets down and gives Sweet the floor*

Awww, you two love birds are adorable.

Holy... I love it! Okay, I will serve up the drinks while we wait Houston and Mr V. Hugs to you and you know I love the words that fall of that delicious tongue of yours honey.. lol You are such a great story teller!
Have a great weekend!

Miss Houston gets up and hugs both Cecile and Sweet, when Valance moves to get up to do the same she manages to keep him seated by sitting in his lap and says,

"Why, Cowboy, I took care of that greetin' for you! Now how about a hug for me?"

Thanks Miss Sweet. And don’t you fret, I ain’t touching that clear stuff. With Miss Houston sitting on my lap, I’m straight up enough already.

Howdy Cecile. Keep those drinks a-coming. Make mine a large one. Better have a handkerchief handy too, in case Miss Sweet’s story gets me weepy.

Settle down now Housty. Sure, I’ll hug you, but don’t wriggle on my lap so much – not while we’re with company.

What I wouldnt do for a little straight up cowboy...

Hey there Miss Sweet! I have pulled up a seat and im waiting patiently to hear this story with the rest of them.


Seems all the girls want my cowboy!

Valance! When are you gonna help me find some good cowboys for these girls?

Cecile, you go right on and treat my customers right now. I know you can do it with a smile and a flounce in your step.

Brandi, welcome to my saloon and settle in for a story where the cowboys are a might TOO straight for this here cowgirl.

Oh Miss Sweet I hope there is a happy ending. I am all ears!

'Valance! When are you gonna help me find some good cowboys for these girls?'

GOOD cowboys? In HERE?

Here or anywhere we can find them...we've got some awesome gal's here on the porch and they need a few good cowboys...well?

Someone get me a drink...that damn man that wasnt the right one for me keeps butting his head back in my life and trying to make me miserable.


So valance you working on some cowboys for me. The can be straight up, sideways or backwards for all I care to long as the know the right way to treat a lady.

Ain't no use looking at me. I got enough trouble keeping one woman happy. I could rustle up a dozen men tomorrow, but none of them would be fitting for ladies of your caliber. Ask Cecile - she's the beef agent around here.

"I ain`t been here a`for, sure looks a friendly kinda place! Good lookin` wimen an` such, say? I wus jes passin` an` a kinda wunderin` if`n ya ain`t got some dancin` girls? I could jes do with a little femenine comp`ny! Hows about it? An` while yer about it, hows about some staeak an` potata`s, mayb a little gravy?"

Brandi, here's one straight up for ya. Be sure to do it fast... they burn the best that way.

Why Mister Valance, I never thought to hear that kinda language outta you...beef agent *snort*

Cheyenne, darlkink. Sorry to disappoint a fine cowboy like yurself but Sweet's Saloon don't do no food or dance.

Just enough liquor to drown your sorrows and friends to swim with you.

You want dancing girls, you best head on up to Cordelia's place. Those ladies sure do know how to treat a cowboy right.

The most we got 'round here are peanuts and a piano...

Sweet hun thanks for the drink.

Valance its okay if your not a beef agent. Im impatient and I tend to take thing into my own hands anyway. Thanks for the cuffs by the way. Im gonna head over to Cecile's and borrow some beef from her and put the cuffs to use

Sorry Miss Sweet - blame the company I'm keeping. Reckon you understood all the same.

Howdy Cheyenne. Save me a peanut and I'll pour you a drink.

S'ok Miss Brandi. Keep the cuffs. And watch out for those longhorns.

Silly Valance...The longer the horn the better


Oh don't you worry about that Brandi...he's got the longest horn I've ever SEEEEEEEN! And he knows how to use it! It's called 'The Impaler'

*Miss Houston looks at Valance who is frowning at her*

Ooossspppssss, sorry, I guess I wasn't suppose to say that...never mind.

*Miss Houston gives Brandi a wink*

Pardon me Miss Houston, but it ain't like you to let the impaler slip out.

*Miss Houston takes another gulp of whiskey*

Nope! It ain't! I hold on to the Impaler might tight...it's all in the thighs! ;-) teheheheheh. MORE WHISKEY!!!!

All in the thighs, huh? Hell, you can say that again. Housty... maybe you've had enough whiskey, huh?

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Thanks so much for delving into my head. It's scary in here sometimes, so it is nice to have company! Don't step on the zephyr...

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